Dear Followers
Dear Followers,
I am writing in order to bring your attention to changes that have been made to this page. As you can see, your pictures have gotten bigger and you now have an option to sign in and connect with the other followers. None of this is my doing. All I know is that this new design is not pleasing to the eye and I am not happy with Google. My discontent is so strong in fact, that I have decided that I am not going to invite Google to my birthday party.
I hope, however, that the changes that Google has made do not give you pause. In fact, I beg you not to leave me. I am on my hands and knees right now.
If you look over to the right, you will now see my smiling face beside yours, as I have temporarily become my own follower in order to understand the new following features that Google has decided that we need. After a short exploration, I have determined that now my followers can become "friends" with other followers. And I am not certain about this, but it appears that these newly found "friends" can, through the magic of internet communication, "chat" with one another.
I would like to strongly discourage you from doing this.
I can assure you, dear followers, that you have nothing to discuss. There is absolutely no reason for you to communicate with one another, whatsoever. Let me repeat this. You have nothing to talk about.
There is no reason you could possibly have to do this. This is a fine blog. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. There is no reason to start little rumblings of discontent among yourself that spread from one faction to another until the entire group is organized and speaking as a singular voice, making one demand after another to type out this stuff faster, to be funnier, to use fancier fonts, to mention your beloved pets in my posts, and to provide you with healthy recipes that are easy to prepare, taste great and cost just pennies per serving.
I won't cave to these demands. If you don't like this blog as it is, then you can just go find a new blog to follow. Just click on that little "Stop Following" button and be done with it then. NO! STOP! WAIT! I didn't really mean that. What I meant to say is that if you are unhappy with anything at all, big or small, just keep following anyhow, so that you don't hurt my feelings.
To sum up, then. Following good. Chatting bad.
So again, dear followers, thank you so much for your support. I couldn't do it without you.
Sincerely,
Sandra Stinglash
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Dear Ms. Stinglash (and fellow followers,)
Thank you for updating me on the recent google changes. I have to admit, I'm rather intrigued by the idea of having more friends to chat with. However, you know I only do what YOU tell me to do and never take any initiative on my own. Although I will comply with your request not to chat with fellow followers, I can not guarantee I won't continue to stalk them by checking out their blogs and personal information.
Does this mean I'm still invited to your birthday party, or should I start looking for alternative plans for that date? (Such as standing across the street from your house, looking longingly at invited guests as they arrive for the soiree with festively wrapped gifts.) I anxiously await your reply.
Sincerely,
Larew
P.S. Fellow followers need not reply.