A Day In a Blogger's Life- Part Three
As conventional as this is, I wrote these posts to be read in order, part one, two and now three. I trust that you have done your part and read the first two parts. If not, please read them now. I'll wait.
Great. Now we can take up where we left off- a typical evening in a blogger's life.
5:15 Decide, in order to save time, to place a carryout order for food from a nearby restaurant. Cooking takes away from valuable blogging time. (So does eating.)
5:45 Dinner is done. Now for the best part. The fortune cookie. Open your fortune cookie slowly, full of anticipation. It's a good one! A real fortune. Not one of those stupid proverbs. It reads, "Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded." Laugh to self about adding the requisite "in bed" to the ending. That is always so damn funny!
Begin to fantasize about the suitable rewards that you are going to receive for your talents. Your thoughts turn to trophies, big ones, and those banquets where you get roasted. Imagine your friends, subscribers and followers all gathered in a big hall, all laughing uproariously at the good natured ribbing you are getting.
Realize that you can't think of any roast jokes which is ruining the fantasy. Decide to get some roast jokes off internet to help out. Change to your name.
- Sondra Stinglash never says a bad word about anyone- that’s because she doesn't know anyone.
- Isn't Sondra Stinglash great? She really lights up a room... the moment she leaves it.
- Sondra Stinglash is a middle of a road guy, you just want to put him there and knock him down.
- Before I introduce Sondra Stinglash let me introduce a few people who admire and revere him. Oh yes I forget we couldn't find any, oh well here’s Sondra Stinglash.
Realize that you forgot to change the pronouns in your fantasy and some of your roast jokes make no sense. Feel a bit stupid about the whole thing.
6:00 Do your hourly check of subscriber and follower numbers. Determine that your count is down by five. Cry, "Why? Why? Why?" Hang your head in hands, despondent.
6:05 Climb under covers and refuse to come out. Whimper, "What have I done? Why have they left me. Why? Why? Why?"
6:06 Search soul for answers. Eat snacks while you search.
10:06 Realize that you have gained 10 pounds by spending all your time sitting at your computer typing these posts and checking stats obsessively. Think about all the other things you could be doing with your time if you weren't blogging. Why, you could be exercising, training for a new career, reading classic literature, bathing....
10:07 Vow to learn to type faster.
10:08 Brush teeth.
10:28 Go to bed.
I provide the series, "A Day In a Blogger's Life" as a public service for anyone considering getting into the blogging business. Too many times I hear people say, "Why didn't anyone tell me it would be like this?" Few dare, as I do, to tell the inside story.
This is copyrighted material. (Not sure why really. This one in particular isn't very funny.) But still, don't be a jerk and pretend you wrote it.
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Okay, I did my homework...
What does Sondra Stinglash use for birth control? Her personality!
(insert drum/cymbal crash here)
What's the difference between Sondra Stinglash and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist
(insert more drum/cymbal crashes here)
How do you put a sparkle in Sondra Stinglash's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
(by now you should know what to insert here.)
Why does Sondra Stinglash travel so much?
To keep the assassins guessing.
See how much I love you? I'm ready for your roast now!
Sincerely,
Cat Lady
So you mentioned me on Fancy's blog. Come on over to THAT BLUE YAK and say hi!
OK, your roast jokes killed! LOL!
I actually think that I am not tough enough to be roasted. The jokes would probably hurt my feelings and make me cry.
LOL It's true that we do gain weight by sitting all day.
My solution was to sit on a sofa in a meditative position (legs crossed like a Guru) which forces muscles to stretch. I found out, later, I had lost a few inches around my hips. Rad, right?
Which prompts the question: What are your blogging positions?
I have devoted a post to that topic. I hope you like it :) Just copy & paste:
http://bmblf.blogspot.com/2009/04/top-5-blogging-positions.html
Dr. Zibbs,
Will do.
Nanodance
Wilmaryad,
Guru style. Sometimes I even sit on a yoga ball.
But then again, sometimes I get sloppy and slouchy. My new thing to try is to write my blog pieces on paper. Yes, you read that correctly, PAPER and then type it in to publish it, thus decreasing my computer time.
I had my son's computer on a coffee table because we didn't have a desk for him. I thought that he would sit cross legged and develop some nice postural habits. Instead he sat in a regular chair and hunched down like a vulture. It was a little freaky.