As conventional as this is, I wrote these posts to be read in order, part one, two and now three. I trust that you have done your part and read the first two parts. If not, please read them now. I'll wait.
Great. Now we can take up where we left off- a typical evening in a blogger's life.
5:15 Decide, in order to save time, to place a carryout order for food from a nearby restaurant. Cooking takes away from valuable blogging time. (So does eating.)
5:45 Dinner is done. Now for the best part. The fortune cookie. Open your fortune cookie slowly, full of anticipation. It's a good one! A real fortune. Not one of those stupid proverbs. It reads, "Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded." Laugh to self about adding the requisite "in bed" to the ending. That is always so damn funny!
Begin to fantasize about the suitable rewards that you are going to receive for your talents. Your thoughts turn to trophies, big ones, and those banquets where you get roasted. Imagine your friends, subscribers and followers all gathered in a big hall, all laughing uproariously at the good natured ribbing you are getting.
Realize that you can't think of any roast jokes which is ruining the fantasy. Decide to get some roast jokes off internet to help out. Change to your name.
- Sondra Stinglash never says a bad word about anyone- that’s because she doesn't know anyone.
- Isn't Sondra Stinglash great? She really lights up a room... the moment she leaves it.
- Sondra Stinglash is a middle of a road guy, you just want to put him there and knock him down.
- Before I introduce Sondra Stinglash let me introduce a few people who admire and revere him. Oh yes I forget we couldn't find any, oh well here’s Sondra Stinglash.
Realize that you forgot to change the pronouns in your fantasy and some of your roast jokes make no sense. Feel a bit stupid about the whole thing.
6:00 Do your hourly check of subscriber and follower numbers. Determine that your count is down by five. Cry, "Why? Why? Why?" Hang your head in hands, despondent.
6:05 Climb under covers and refuse to come out. Whimper, "What have I done? Why have they left me. Why? Why? Why?"
6:06 Search soul for answers. Eat snacks while you search.
10:06 Realize that you have gained 10 pounds by spending all your time sitting at your computer typing these posts and checking stats obsessively. Think about all the other things you could be doing with your time if you weren't blogging. Why, you could be exercising, training for a new career, reading classic literature, bathing....
10:07 Vow to learn to type faster.
10:08 Brush teeth.
10:28 Go to bed.
I provide the series, "A Day In a Blogger's Life" as a public service for anyone considering getting into the blogging business. Too many times I hear people say, "Why didn't anyone tell me it would be like this?" Few dare, as I do, to tell the inside story.
This is copyrighted material. (Not sure why really. This one in particular isn't very funny.) But still, don't be a jerk and pretend you wrote it.