Of late, I have been dreaming great quotes. Dreaming them. Not dreaming them up. The quotes actually come to me in a dream. As I slumber, one of the characters in my dream says something interesting, such as:
"Does coffee count as aroma therapy?"
Here is another one:
"This massage school used to be so good that Rodney King's agent called us to ask us for our carrot cake recipe."
There is an interesting thing that happens sometimes, in my dream life. I will be dreaming away and one of my dream characters will say something cool, crack a great joke or choreograph an epic dance about DNA replication. And I will have this sort of thought, "Wow, I wish I said cool things like that!" and I will feel deeply envious of the talent and intelligence of the dream character. And then, still asleep, I will come to the realization that I am having a dream. Once that realization is made, the understanding quickly follows that I am, in fact, the dreamer. And as the dreamer, it is I who spoke that great line, made that hilarious joke or choreographed that brilliant dance! My brain masterminded the whole thing!
With that realization, the celebration of my brain begins. My amazing brain! An urgent thought pops into my mind, "When news of this gets out, the scientists are going to order up a series of tests to study my brain immediately! What in the world will I wear?"
Then I wake up.
And as I rub the sleep out of my eyes, and think back to the dream du jour (occurring ironically, at night), this idea of myself as a brilliant, talented innovator with fantastically developed frontal lobes is dealt a powerful blow. It seems that my wide awake brain doesn't think that the material that my dream brain comes up with is quite as funny, smart or important as my dream brain thinks it is. What my wide awake brain does think, however, is that my dream brain is terrifically entertaining. After all, my wide awake brain loves weird stuff. The dream brain is like having a weird stuff delivery man in your head asking, "So where do you want me to put these strange images, nonsensical sequiturs and surreal juxtapositions?"
Here's another quote brought to you by my dream brain:
"We have a washing machine in the other room, but then you all would have to deal with the no-pants thing."
What do you know? That one actually holds up. I am brilliant.
Have fun reading! Feel free to pass these scrawlings on, but make sure to give credit. This is copyrighted material.