Filler


"The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."  

If you are an Onion reader, you will be able to place those words immediately.  You will find that quote on page 180 of The Onion's Complete News Archives, Volume 14, titled Ad Nauseam.  You will also find it on pages 65, 102 and 216.   You can't miss it.  Look for the news story that reads like this, "The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.  The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.  The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.  The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.  The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.  The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood....The passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."  

Usually the story is a bit longer, however.

It is a great trick.  It is sensational.  It can be adapted to the space that is available, and it is funny. 

It is filler, is what it is. 

And filler, is what I need.

You see, my first goal for this blog was to write stuff to make my family laugh.  When I would post an entry, I would immediately call my family and let them know to check it out.  Before I got the idea to publish my drivel on a blog, I would just e-mail my family funny stuff that I wrote.  They loved my writing for two reasons.  For one, they liked it because they are supposed to like it and two, they are hard wired to find humor in the same things that I think are funny.  

In the early weeks of the blog, it was thrilling when a family member reported back to me that they had read a piece.  Then...

Other people began to read it.  I knew this was happening because I told them to read it and then later they reported back to me that they had indeed read it.  Of course, some of the people I talked to just started to avoid me.  But, it was pretty thrilling when a friend reported back to me that they had read a piece.  But then...

I started wondering if there were people who were reading it and not telling me.  So...

I subscribed to Feedburner.  Feedburner tracks statistics on my subscribers.  I don't really know exactly what that means.  All I know is that subscribers are different than followers.  Subscribers actually sign up to receive blog posts via a feed or by e-mail.  Subscribers are anonymous.  And, from the stats I receive, it seems that subscribers are fickle.  They seem to like it when I post a lot.  If I don't, my subscribers drop off.  Consequently, I find myself trying to make my subscribers happy.

This means that in between my more developed pieces that I am very proud of, I must also post pieces that are shorter or less developed.  This is the dilemma of the blog format.  In order to get more people to read the diamonds, it seems necessary to post some cubic zirconia.  

Here is some filler for you, then.  For today's filler post, I have compiled a list of some of the more interesting subject lines of  recent e-mails to hit my spam filter.  Here they are, in no particular order:

  • Check out my large stimulus package! 
  • Praise the lord.  God has answered your money prayers. 
  • We want to send your Nintendo's Wii complimentary colonoscopy attachment
  • Never vacuum again, you lazy bitch!
  • Get Paid to Blog and Write Articles From Home
Hey!  That one looks interesting.  Gotta go!













Have fun reading! Feel free to pass these scrawlings on, but make sure to give credit. This is copyrighted material.

1 Response to "Filler"

  • Larew Says:

    Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog. Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog. Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog. Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog. Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog. Many followers were alarmed by the spreading pool of blood on the blog.


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