Five Fascinating Facts
Now that I have attracted such a large following, (Double digits like my new fun-sized monthly salary!!!) my fans stalkers readers have become relentless in their demands for personal information about me. The questions never stop. "Sondra Stinglash," they cry, "You are such an enigma! Tell us something, anything at all, that will help us to understand both your complexity and genius!" It is a strange thing to have them all yelling in unison like that- kind of surreal, but I understand that it comes with the territory, so I tolerate it.
And I will oblige. Here are 5 fascinating facts about me that will help uncover the secrets of Sondra Stinglash and as an added bonus will also serve as a useful guide when you are agonizing over what to buy for me.
1. I once spent 4 hours drawing my hand, as an exercise from the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I had been so focused and had worked for so long that I had not noticed that my family had gone to bed. There I was, in a quiet house, sitting in a dark room under my lamp, all alone. Gazing upon the drawing, I couldn't believe how well I had done, for someone who had never been able to draw before. The book was right. Drawing was all about seeing, not about technique. I had captured every fold, every crease, every line. And then I noticed it.
The rendering had six fingers.
2. Pretty much every gift I have gotten over the last year, I excitedly decide is an i-phone. It doesn't matter what size the package is. If it is a big package, I form a picture in my mind of opening one box that contains a smaller box which contains a smaller box until I get to the box with the i-phone. If it is a really small package, I imagine that it is one of those inflatable expandable i-phones that no has heard of yet because it is so very new. I get very excited, giddy almost, and kind of blown away that someone would give me such an extravagant gift. And I say, "You shouldn't have!" Then I open it and it is not an i-phone.
This keeps happening.
3. I have a policy against abbreviations. One should say a word in its entirety rather than using its vulgar abbreviation. That is why I say "gasoline," "gymnasium," and "cellular telephone," just to cite a few examples. These are good words and they should be used. I encourage you to join me in this campaign that I call, "Take Back the Syllables."
Don't mind me. I don't need any help here.
I can fight this fight all by myself.
You go on and do whatever it is you are doing.
I am sure that it is really important.
4. I invented the sea urchin.
5. I am subject to fits of this disease, which I combat by dressing up my old writing, directing readers to read my old stuff, or by creating lame excuses for posts that are really just random lists of weirdcrap crapola I thought up quickly and passed off as a bonafide post.
But because you are really special to me and you read this entire post and I like you a lot and I am pretty sure that you bought me an i-phone, I will give you some inside information. The reason the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain story is funny is because I am actually in possession of five fingers on each of my hands, not six.
I will wait while you laugh.
Did I mention that you are very special to me? And I have a birthday coming up?
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend, although I don't really know why you would want to. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it. (Again. Not sure why you would claim responsibility for this one.)
And I will oblige. Here are 5 fascinating facts about me that will help uncover the secrets of Sondra Stinglash and as an added bonus will also serve as a useful guide when you are agonizing over what to buy for me.
1. I once spent 4 hours drawing my hand, as an exercise from the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I had been so focused and had worked for so long that I had not noticed that my family had gone to bed. There I was, in a quiet house, sitting in a dark room under my lamp, all alone. Gazing upon the drawing, I couldn't believe how well I had done, for someone who had never been able to draw before. The book was right. Drawing was all about seeing, not about technique. I had captured every fold, every crease, every line. And then I noticed it.The rendering had six fingers.
2. Pretty much every gift I have gotten over the last year, I excitedly decide is an i-phone. It doesn't matter what size the package is. If it is a big package, I form a picture in my mind of opening one box that contains a smaller box which contains a smaller box until I get to the box with the i-phone. If it is a really small package, I imagine that it is one of those inflatable expandable i-phones that no has heard of yet because it is so very new. I get very excited, giddy almost, and kind of blown away that someone would give me such an extravagant gift. And I say, "You shouldn't have!" Then I open it and it is not an i-phone.
This keeps happening.
3. I have a policy against abbreviations. One should say a word in its entirety rather than using its vulgar abbreviation. That is why I say "gasoline," "gymnasium," and "cellular telephone," just to cite a few examples. These are good words and they should be used. I encourage you to join me in this campaign that I call, "Take Back the Syllables."
Don't mind me. I don't need any help here.
I can fight this fight all by myself.
You go on and do whatever it is you are doing.
I am sure that it is really important.
4. I invented the sea urchin.
5. I am subject to fits of this disease, which I combat by dressing up my old writing, directing readers to read my old stuff, or by creating lame excuses for posts that are really just random lists of weird
But because you are really special to me and you read this entire post and I like you a lot and I am pretty sure that you bought me an i-phone, I will give you some inside information. The reason the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain story is funny is because I am actually in possession of five fingers on each of my hands, not six.
I will wait while you laugh.
Did I mention that you are very special to me? And I have a birthday coming up?
WOW! You knitted me an i-phone? You shouldn't have!
I really liked you before, but I totally have a crush on you now.
I really liked you before, but I totally have a crush on you now.
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend, although I don't really know why you would want to. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it. (Again. Not sure why you would claim responsibility for this one.)
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Can't..see..screen...spitting tea at it, and snorting and gulping. It's an attractive picture. Mind you, have you seen my - er what do you call it, that little photo that makes everyone look like a shrimp? Anyway check out my shrimp pic and you'll see just how gorgeous I am.
I'm writing this on my iphone by the way. Just thought I'd toss that it. And it's not a knitted one either.
If my current salary was in the double digits (or more) I would definitely buy you an iphone. But shouldn't you actually be calling it an internets-phone? I wouldn't want you to be abbreviating anything by accident. It would be so humiliating.
P.S. Congratulations on the sea urchin... next time would you leave out the spines? (Or would that be an abbreviation?)
P.P.S. Please send details of your Super Colossal Blogger's Birthday Celebration so I can change all my important social engagements to accommodate you. (I'm currently working on knitting your 6 fingered glove.... with detachable 6th finger.)
I know what you mean about abbreviating. Like "most def", "convo" and of course, i-phone. Would it make you feel any better if I told you I have never had a cell phone, much less an i-phone?
Spudballooooo- That iphone comment made me a wee bit jealous, but not as jealous as your gorgeous picture.
Now I really have a crush on you.
CatLadyLaroooo- The sea urchin thing was a lie. I actually invented the sea anemome, but I don't know how to spell it. anenomee? enenomie? aenenome? aenemoney?
Ettarooooo- No cellular telephone? I bow to you. I actually think that is really cool. I am not a big cellular telephone fan, excepting for the iphone which I want so badly I would totally snatch it out of someone's hands if they were really weak, slow at running...and blind.
Re: claim #4: My girlfriend knelt upon a sea urchin and cut her knee while scuba diving a few months ago. Originally we were going to sue the ocean, but now that we can go directly to the source...well, suffice it to say, for the sake of your reputation I hope this whole messy ordeal can be settled out of court.
Dear Mr. Pun,
As per my comment to CatLadyLarew, I was exaggerating my claim of habing invented the sea urchin, as I am unable to spell my real invention, the sea anemome.
I apologize for the confusion.
All my best to you and yours,
Sondra Stinglash
I just found your blog via Nanny Goats In Panties and Oh. My. Goodness! I'm not supposed to laugh out loud at work (mostly because I'm pretty sure I should not be blogging at work)!! I will definitely be back.
Hey, my verification word is "lexess"...shouldn't it be Lexus and shouldn't I win one? Can you help me with that? I'd buy you an iPhone...:)
Dear Tera,
Thank you for visiting. Sorry about making you laugh at work. If you are fired, I will take full responsibility.
However, I unfortunately cannot send you a Lexus, since I already packaged the giveaway Lexus up and mailed it to CatLadyLarew. However, I am happy to write an article for the New York Times, touting your blog.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash
Will you be giving tips at some point on how live on the fun-size salary? Any help would be appreciated.
You're funny. I enjoyed learning 5 very interesting things about YOU!
Your Blog Catalog Friend,
Bring back Pluto
I hope you'll come visit sometime.
Our BLog that is.
Some people call our BLOG:
Where is the i phone?
We call it: The Guy's Perspective.
See ya
I win! I win! When can I expect the Lexus to arrive? Sure hope it doesn't get lost in the mail. (As soon as it gets here I can drive to the store to buy you the internets phone for your birthday.)
Oh boy! My verification word is "offer". That's so cosmic because this is the best offer I've gotten in a long time. Thank you, Nanodance!
Linlah,
Thanks for visiting. Why yes, I will be posting tips for getting by on a fun sized salary from time to time.
Tip #1- Instead of buying candy, steal it from babies. It's more economical.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash
Bring Back Pluto-
Thanks for visiting! I HAVE wandered over to your blog- and enjoyed it.
Hey- I was a former 3rd grade teacher too.
Nanodance
Dear Cat Lady,
Here's the deal. I stuck the Lexus in the mail a few days ago, but maybe I should have insured it or sent it registered mail. I did put 235 post card stamps on the hood though so I really think that it should be fine. Wait a few days and if it doesn't show write me a note on the side of a Mini Cooper and mail to me.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash
that is friggin' hilarious--you should really do the 30 secrets thing. and i hope you get an iPhone soon because i can assure that life is pretty much WAY better when you have one. a real one, not a knitted one or a miniature blow-up one.
have you tasted sea urchin? why did you make them taste like that?
me, i invented scallops.
:-)
/j
Dear Julochka,
Sea Urchins? Did I accidentally write Sea Urchins? I meant Street Urchins.
Much Tastier.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash