The Buddha's Got Weird Ass Hands

This is an historical post, as it is the first ever written on a foreign computer on account of that I am currently in "The City," NYC, the Big Apple...that's New York City for you people from Manhattan, Kansas. I saved a few bucks by inconveniencing a friend in order to get a ride to my 1:00 in the morning bus which looked nice from the outside and was really clean so at first sight I was relieved that it wouldn't be a bus ride from hell, but it turns out that the seats seemed to be built for oompa-loompas or fifth graders or people with their legs amputated above the knees, which none of us were, so we were all crammed in fetal style. And the driver didn't seem to think we deserved heat so all night I was so freezing to death that I was thrilled when the total stranger next to me invaded my personal space in his sleep because body heat was the only way to stay warm. The sleeping people in front of me with their seats reclined so that the one seat was resting squarely on my un-amputated knees were so close to me that I had a perfect view of their sleeping heads resting against one another which looked so seriously sweet. This is what happens when you cram a bunch of strangers together in an unheated bus in the middle of the night- they reach for one another in their sleep.

Wow that was kinda sweet what I wrote.

Anyway, all this to save a few bucks.

Did I mention that I had to pee pretty much the whole night? And in the morning when we got there. And during the two hours when I was was walking around lost in Chinatown trying to find the #6 train. So when I finally got to where I was going I was really excited about peeing. Really excited. I figured that it was going to be the best pee of my life.

But it was only mediocre.

Anyhow- after taking a nap on a couch and enjoying horizontal sleep for a few hours, I went out exploring and that's when I touched the hand of Buddha. It was in the produce section. It is a fruit or maybe a vegetable. See the picture. Cool huh?

Only in New York.

Well actually I don't really know this to be true; it is likely that they have Buddha's Hands in other places but I have only seen them here and I don't have any truly weird only in New York stories to tell and I like that expression, so I am keeping it.

But if I do get any of those stories you will be the first to know.

Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.

13 Response to "The Buddha's Got Weird Ass Hands"

  • rxBambi Says:

    I have never heard of Buddha hands... did you eat one or only feel him up?

  • Brilliant Sulk Says:

    Peeing is the best thing ever. I'm going to pee right after I write this. Seriously.

    Oh and we have Buddah's hands here in S.F. But they're free range organically grown Buddah's hands...

  • gayle Says:

    That's a cool picture...what is it really??!!

  • gayle Says:

    Thought I made a comment .. but...
    What is that??? fruit, veggie
    Anyway enjoy NY!! and have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

  • Jewel Says:

    But what ARE Buddha's hands? Vegetable instead of animal or mineral, but what kind of veggie, and did you eat one? And if so, what did Buddha's hands taste like? So many questions, so little time.

  • Boris G Says:

    In a former life when I was a Zen Monk I told my master that the Buddha had touched me inappropriately, and the monastery gave two goats to my parents.

  • Says:

    Actually, I was thinking Buddha's fingers are looking kind of gnarly. But, there's nothing finer than a good pee after a cramped bus ride to be thankful for on Thanksgiving!

  • Skye Says:

    I have never heard of those. I'll have to ask Silv about them, or just google them. He spent a lot of time in the Orient back in the 60's and 70's so if he knows of them, I'll take his judgement over what I can find out about them on the net :D

  • Madame DeFarge Says:

    You went on a bus? You got down with the people? How very brave of you. And the hands of Buddha look just like squished bananas

  • NJ Pigno Says:

    rxBambi- I only felt him up. But I am pretty sure he liked it.

    Amanda- Well, the Buddah hands in NY are caffeinated and more sarcastic. And yes, peeing is great isn't it?

    Boris- I am so sorry for your trauma. But that is cool about the goats.

    Cat Lady- They are pretty wild looking huh?

    Skye- Let us know what you discover. I had never seen them before.

    Madame DeFarge- I did indeed. And I am doing it again because, unfortunately I have to go back home.

    Gayle- I had never seen them before- they were in the produce section labled Buddha's Hands and when I googled it I got an image that looked just like what I saw. You eat them, apparently.

    Jewel- I touched them, but that was it. The sign said they were citrus-y tasting, I think. I think you cook them, unless you don't. I don't really remember...

  • Says:

    You looked, you touched, but you didn't buy? What's up with that?

  • K A B L O O E Y Says:

    2 hours to find the six train? Aw, I wish I'd been there to help. And I empathize with the pee issue, but if I have to go, I'll go an-y-where. Portajohn on the bus? Check. Penn station? Check. Grungy chinese restaurant toilet? Check. Been there and done that. If you're gonna be a New Yorker (even for a few days) you've got to assert yourself. And hover.

  • NJ Pigno Says:

    K a b l o o e y- Nah. I was exaggerating to make the story more dramatic. It didn't take me 2 hours to find the train. More like an hour forty five.

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