So I went out with a friend of mine and we got tea and they had a tea called "World Peace Tea" which we didn't get because we wanted another kind of tea but we were both wracked with guilt because what if it really works and we didn't order it? We got regular kinds of tea like peppermint and chai though, not sinister tea with a name such as "Immediate World Destruction, But Fuck It Because This Tea Tastes Wicked Good," so it isn't like we are 100% terrible people. Just kind of bad people, I guess. We could try harder, is all I am saying.
Tea with positive messages reminds me of the clothing I used to buy with the affirmations in the tags. I don't buy that stuff anymore because I got tired of looking like a hippy clown in my baggy black flax slacks and one size fits all (and I mean it fits ALL as in everyone at once) shirts. They were super comfy and super unflattering but they made up for it by having tags that said nice things like, "Love yourself," and "These pants don't at all make me look fat." Uplifting messages like that. I used to add the words "in bed" to the messages for fun.
Well, not really, but it is an amusing thing to do with fortune cookies...and it works very well, especially when your fortune is something like this...
You will sleep soundly tonight.
That game reminds me of when I was in college and worked in the library. We had to read the call numbers of books on the shelves to make sure the entire library was in order. It was a really important job and it might sound as if it were boatloads o' fun, but it was really pretty much shit loads of tedium. To make our job more interesting, we played this game where you had to insert random words into the titles of books on the shelves. The words we picked were "GODDAMN, BALD, and GAY." This, as you are beginning to pick up on, was not a very mature game, but we weren't very mature people.
The enhanced titles included The Goddamn Grapes of Wrath, Gay Beowolf and A Portrait of the Artist as a Bald Young Man. This was very funny to us. It isn't funny now because you and I are mature. But it was a laugh riot then. To prove my point, I will now pick random books off my shelf and play the same game and you will see how un-funny it is.
What's the Goddamn Matter With Kansas?
The Gay I-Ching
Pride and Prejudice and Bald Zombies
See? Not funny.
Then why are you laughing? Stop laughing.
Oh sorry...that was me.
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.