I haven't been here in a while. I have been very, very busy. Happily my blog hasn't gotten into any terrible trouble during my absence. She has not gotten arrested, gotten herself pregnant nor has she maxed out any credit cards. As it turns out, my blog has actually not been doing anything at all.
As a matter of fact, it seems that in my absence, my blog has been lying around the house all day on the couch, eating chocolate. She is suspiciously quiet when I come home and say, "Hey blog, how has your day been? What are you up to?" No reply when I ask, "What's going on here?" And when my anger escalates, my rant falls on deaf ears, "I have been out all day, working my fingers to the bone and I come home and nothing is done. Dinner isn't cooked and the house is a mess and nothing is written. Not one word. What exactly have you been doing all day?"
"Look blog, the jig is up. I found the wrappers."
I gave my blog plenty of good ideas to work with too...
What about the idea to start a charity that raises money for homeless people so that they can go to tanning salons? That was pretty funny. How about the idea to treat a ganglion cyst by downloading the Bible application for the iphone and then smacking the cyst with it? I find that particularly hysterical. (Funnier when you are aware that the folk cure for a ganglion cyst is to hit it with a Bible, of course. And now you know, so laugh away.)
All that good material and nothing...
Nothing at all...
It is clear then that my blog just don't write itself.
Fine. I will just have to do it then.
"You just stay there on the couch blog. Just keep eating those chocolates. Are they as delicious as they look? Can I get you something else? Something to drink perhaps? No, no...don't get up....I got it."
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.