Shut Up!

Haven't heard much from Ms. Stinglash lately have you? Beginning to worry, weren't you? Of course you were. You may have busied yourself bringing forth holiday cheer, making merry, toasting in the new year, etc...but all of that was to keep your mind off your nagging concern about Sondra Stinglash and her strangely uncharacteristic silence.

Let me enlighten you. You see, as it turns out, the always-full-of-surprises-woman-of-unending-mystery, Sondra Stinglash, has a bit of a spiritual side. And it was just that very side that brought her to ring in the new year without so much as a peep, as she was immersing herself in a blanket of quiet at a silent meditation retreat, spending her time being one with her breath, attending to the here and now and all of that.

Here is some useful information to help YOU survive your next 5 day silent meditation retreat.

You will need to learn to walk like a zombie. They call it walking meditation. But seriously, it is hard to get past the fact that everyone looks like the undead when they do it, especially when they are walking outside en masse. The walking meditation is painfully slow. We were encouraged to take a few super slow motion steps and then pause, taking a moment to close our eyes and breathe and be present in the body and then to take another step or two. The trick, as it turns out, to blending in is to wear boots and to leave them unlaced so that you have to take really slow careful steps so as to not lose your shoes. It works like a charm. Turns out that the other people are not sticking out their arms in front of them, however, so resist that urge.

Also, resist the urge to put a tiny Buddha statue on the knee of the meditator next to you while she is deep in meditation. If you don't remember the Sienfeld episode that might inspire such an action, I will refresh your memory. Elaine and Jerry are at a piano recital and Jerry puts a pez dispenser on Elaine's knee. She, of course, is left having to stifle her laughter and not go into convulsions in the recital hall. Turns out that the trick is even more hilarious in a meditation hall. That is, it WOULD be more hilarious if those meditation junkies had a sense of humor.

As it turns out, talking is overrated. You will get by just fine without speaking for a week. Don't be afraid. After a brief adjustment period you won't miss the verbal thing at all.

Except for swearing.

Turns out that when you do slip up and accidentally speak aloud, you can neatly and spontaneously express that which needs to be voiced using only one, or at most, two words.

Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.

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