Difficult Times
Enjoy a classic from way back in the early days of Callithump Thunderblog.
This piece was written some time ago, back in the days when our country was encountering difficult economic times.
Funny...It still holds up.
Dear Spleen,
We would like to thank you for your loyal service for the past several decades. You have been a reliable and hard working part of our organization. Unfortunately, the recent financial crisis has forced us to re-evaluate our way of doing things; to do some soul searching, if you will. We have decided that, in order to remain truly competitive, our organization will need restructuring. As you are aware, we recently circulated a questionnaire. We have had a chance to analyze the data and found the results to be quite illuminating. It seems that the majority of those surveyed were not at all aware that you were a part of our organization. Those who knew of your existence did not have any knowledge of your function. (For your information, the heart, brain and reproductive organs received the highest marks.)
We understand that your function is important to the organization as a whole, but in these times of belt tightening, we have to take a good hard look at our practices and we have determined that dedicating an entire organ to the specialized job of cleaning up of red blood cells is not cost effective. In order to trim overhead costs, we have made the decision to eliminate your position and reassign your duties to another department, a larger and more high profile organ.
We understand that this news may be difficult, but you will be pleased to learn that we will provide two weeks of overtime pay during our transition period during which you will continue your daily functions while providing training to the liver, the organ to which your duties have been reassigned. Please bring a copy of your job description and report to the liver first thing Monday morning.
We understand that your function is important to the organization as a whole, but in these times of belt tightening, we have to take a good hard look at our practices and we have determined that dedicating an entire organ to the specialized job of cleaning up of red blood cells is not cost effective. In order to trim overhead costs, we have made the decision to eliminate your position and reassign your duties to another department, a larger and more high profile organ.
We understand that this news may be difficult, but you will be pleased to learn that we will provide two weeks of overtime pay during our transition period during which you will continue your daily functions while providing training to the liver, the organ to which your duties have been reassigned. Please bring a copy of your job description and report to the liver first thing Monday morning.
We recommend also that you take part in a creative job skills seminar, free of charge, hosted by the right brain. In these difficult times it is important to diversify your skills in order to increase your flexibility in a competitive job market. Please sign up quickly as space is limited, and the tonsils, vermiform appendix and the vestigial muscle palmaris longus have already reserved their spots.
Thank you for your years of loyal service, and good luck to you!
Sincerely,
The Management
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.
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Dear Administration,
In support of the spleen the below body parts will stage a walk-out on Dec 15th at 7 pm just as you are carrying plates from the shelves next to the doorway.
Yours
The Diaphragm
Both rotator cuffs
The Gall Bladder
Both palmar aponeurosis
(the gall bladders's role will be purely symbolic as it currently is somewhat unsure of it's own function, although it is under the vague impression it may be involved in decision making).
Can't wait to read this to my husband!! Loved it!!
I'm fairly sure the person that wrote that then came to work for us.
That's hilarious and so incredibly appropriate!
Very ceative to use the body to describe what so many people are going through today with this crappy economy.
Hubby is going to like this.
Spleen still out of sorts... must buy it a new toy for Christmas.
Adama- It happened just as you said it would. Plates everywhere. Fired the Gallbladder and the rest of the renegades fell into place. Scared them straight.
Gayle- Thanks. Hope he enjoyed it too.
Indigo- I am so sorry.
Skye- Thanks. Funny how it still holds up. I wrote it a year ago.
Heather- Thanks. I thought it was a decent analogy.
CatLady- Spleen will appreciate it.
I have visions of a home of retired spleens. There would be much venting going on all the time.
I like. Poor old spleenie.