Aries- It is true that good things come to those who wait, but you should be aware that you can move around and do stuff while you are waiting.
Taurus- None of the problems you are currently facing can be solved by buying more kittens, but buy them anyway.
Gemini- You are lost. Do yourself a favor and go to the nearest gas station and ask for directions.
Cancer- Now that you are finished with the opera you have been writing based on your experience with restless leg syndrome, it is time to start getting out of the house more. Or at least take a shower.
Leo- You are the superior sun sign and you know it. Keep a lid on it though, lest you anger the others.
Virgo- Your passion for collecting condiment packets will pay off someday. If necessary, add a room onto your house to store them.
Libra- You know those new pants you bought? They look great on you. Most people can't pull off paisley, but on you, they are absolutely fabulous.
Scorpio- It turns out that you never dropped that class, way back in college. You need to go back and take the final. Try to show up on time, and please don't forget your #2 pencil, or your pants.
Sagittarius- You can stop living on the lamb. Seriously. They stopped looking for you three years ago.
Capricorn- Indulge your inner child today. Forget bill paying and errand running. Instead, climb a tree. Build with blocks. Color with crayons. Have a tea party. Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
Aquarius- Today would be the perfect day to start that exercise routine. Begin by finding that stationary bicycle that you have been using as a coat rack. Clear off all the clothing. Now rest. That is about enough for one day.
Pisces- Stop interjecting the phrase, "If you will," into your speech. It is just plain annoying and it makes people want to hit you. Seriously. It makes them want to hit you really hard.
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