Small Talk
Hey there! Look who it is! How wonderful to see you here! How the hell are you? You look fabulous!! Have you been working out? Really? The "Sweating With The Oldies" tape? You don't say. Well it really works for you. Nice headband, by the way.
Me? I am doing okay. No complaints. I just stopped by to feed the cat and bring the mail in. Just keeping an eye on the place until Apropos of Nothing gets back from vacation. Should be any day now.
And you? Oh I see. You were hoping to find something new and amusing to read. It has been awhile huh? Well, you know how it is. AoN is just taking a little break. Everyone needs a vacation now and then. What was that? You came all this way for nothing? Well here's an idea for you. Why don't YOU write something amusing? Why does Apropos of Nothing have to do it for you? What is the deal here? I suppose that you would like AoN to pack up its bags and speed home in order produce some humor piece just so that you can get a good chuckle. Is that what you expect?
Why don't YOU produce some hilarious commentary, biting satire or delightful whimsey for a change, huh? No? Why not? I will tell you why not. You, my friend, are a consumer of wit, a user. You with your insatiable appetite for amusement, your urgent need for the absurdly incongruous, your addiction to hilarity. And now here you are, checking here once again, to see if there is something new, something funny, something to satisfy this craving of yours. Gimme gimme gimme. Make me laugh. Make me laugh. Well listen, you will get your laugh, but you are just going to have to be patient. AoN cannot be rushed.
I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what you should do. Go to youtube or something. Do a search for narcoleptic dogs or something. I don't know. AoN will be back soon. You are just going to have to man up.
Oh geez. Are you crying? Oh great. Look, don't cry. I'm sorry. What is that? You are never going to come here again? Now, wait a second. Come back here. Listen. I didn't mean to imply that you are a humor-sucking laugh-slut that only takes and doesn't give back. I am sure that you are funny too. Listen. Its ok. AoN will be back soon. Come back then. We will have some laughs. It will be fun.
Damn it. Now you see what you made me do? I let the cat out.
Labels:
Narcoleptic Dogs,
Sweating With the Oldies
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Posts
Narcolepsy? Is that what's wrong with my dog? And I didn't lure the cat out the door... honest!
Anyway, yes, you're entitled to a break. Just because I have no other friends and rely on you to cheer me up doesn't mean you have to humor me. I'll just go start boiling hemlock needles. I think that will work, won't it? I don't want to be any trouble.
But wait, your message did elicit a few guffaws, so I guess that will tide me over until your return. Just be sure it doesn't take too much longer!
The pressure is getting to me! Now I know why all those comic strip writers retire early.