Sondra Stinglash's Guide to Kindergarteners

Fact #1- Kindergarteners are very curious about people:

Kindergartener- "Who your husband is?"

Ms Stinglash- "Pardon me? I didn't quite understand the question. Can you ask me again?"

Kindergartener- "Who your husband is?"

Ms. Stinglash- "Who is my husband?"

Kindergartener (smiling)- "Yes"

Ms. Stinglash- "I don't have a husband."

Kindergartener (frowning)- "Why not?"

Ms. Stinglash- "Well..."

Kindergartener- "You are still a kid?"

Ms. Stinglash- "Yes. I am still a kid. I am way too young to get married."

Fact #2- Kindergarteners are not really very good with numbers.

Kindergartener- "Ms. Stinglash! How old are you?"

Ms. Stinglash- "How old do you think I am?"

Kindergartener- "Eleven."

Ms. Stinglash- "How old are you?"

Kindergartener- "SIXTEEN!"

Ms. Stinglash- "That makes you older than me."

Kindergartener- "AND BIGGER!!!"

Fact #3- If you want kindergarteners to avoid stepping in the throw up in the middle of the hallway, the only way is to pick them up and hurl them over it.

Ms. Stinglash- "Walk next to the wall need to be closer to the wall....Why are you walking in the middle of the hallway? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? STOP!!!! YOU ALMOST STEPPED IN....WHY ARE YOU ALL GOING OVER THERE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!? THIS WAY!!! I SAID THIS WAY!!! GET OVER THERE!!! NOW!!! AUUUUUGGGHHH!!!"

Fact #4- Kindergarteners are lousy spellers.

Kindergartner #1: "Ms. Stinglash! Ms. Stinglash! Clinton said the m word!!!!!

Ms. Stinglash (thinking) What the hell is the 'm word'?

Fact #5- Kindergarteners are not as lousy at spelling as you think.

Kindergartener #1- "I can spell a lot of words."

Kindergartener #2- "Can you spell the B word? I can spell the B word."

Kindergartener #1- "I can spell the B word too!"

Kindergartener #2- "I can spell the B word and the s word."

Kindergartener #1- "So can I!"

Kindergartener #2- "You know what word I can spell? I can spell THE F WORD!"

Teacher from across the room- "Great job kindergarteners! I like how you are all sitting and chatting so nicely with your neighbors! Looks like you have earned some marbles for our marble jar!"

Kindergartener #2- (whispers) "I can totally spell the F word."

Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.

11 Response to "Sondra Stinglash's Guide to Kindergarteners"

  • Megan Says:

    that's what's so great about kindergarteners!

  • Says:

    Ah, this is so totally spot on! I not only stepped in, but fell in the hallway barf once... but in my defense, it was hiding behind a corner, so I didn't see it until it was too late. Just thought you'd like to know. How old are you anyway? According to my kids I'm 40... which is why I love them so much! BTW, you're definitely still too young to get married since you're just a kid.

  • Anonymous Says:

    i'm starting my day laughing (and sighing) because of you....and I can totally spell the H word

    in my house the S word was stupid and then it was suck. Then the third grader discovered suck rhymes with the F word!

  • Madame DeFarge Says:

    Yet again my knowledge has improved immeasureably. I know to avoid children at all cost.

  • NJ Pigno Says:

    Megan- Isn't it though!!

    CatLady- I knew that you, of all people, would be able to relate to that post.

    Maeve- I remember when my son, Elmo, wanted to say something sucked, I used a strategy employed by a certain teacher I know. I told him that he needed to understand that 'sucks' meant 'sucks dick' and I would not tolerate any lazy abbreviations. That stopped him from saying it all through middle school and high school too. Now he says 'sucks dick' just to make me cringe. Glad you enjoyed the post.

    Madame DeFarge- I like the way you think.

  • gayle Says:

    5 year olds are so funny!!

  • CAM Says:

    I wish you were my kid's kindy teacher - she reckons hers are out to get her (I've checked and it doesn't appear to be the case).

  • NJ Pigno Says:

    Gayle- That they are!

    CAM- Thanks. I do tend to be pretty nice unless I am hurling them over vomit in the hallway.

  • tera Says:

    At least they give you plenty of blogging fodder! :)

  • K A B L O O E Y Says:

    I love this stuff. Except for the vomit, which makes me gag. I would be hugging the wall AND closing my eyes to get past that puddle. No throwing necessary.

  • Boris G Says:
    This comment has been removed by the author.

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