This might give you an idea of where I am at these days.
I am taking a course in anatomy and physiology and we are studying cells. The other day, our professor projected an image of a sperm cell on the wall. I looked at it and the first thought that came to my mind was, "Jerk."
Clearly, right now anyway, dating a man is out of the question. My solution is to date myself for awhile. My sister and I came up with the idea of dating yourself, an idea so brilliant that it is sure to start a whole movement. This review of a blind date can shed some light on how it is done:
Dates like this happen every day. Heaven help us.
Sunday, March 23, 2008;
5:00 p.m., Wegmans, Grocery Store
Sandy: I thought it a bit risky to go to my date’s home for the very first date. But it was Easter and Sandy seemed to be in the same situation as I was. No family plans or Easter engagements. When she suggested that we meet at Wegmans, buy food and then go to her house to prepare dinner together, I thought, “Why not” If I got a creepy feeling from her, I could bolt before we got to her house. I found her in the produce aisle, picking out artichokes.
Sandy: I recognized Sandy right away from her picture. She looked nice. Her hair was up. She was slender and dressed in jeans, Doc Martens and a vintage coat. She looked part big city punk, part Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus.
Sandy: She seemed like my type and I was happy to see that she liked artichokes too. We picked out a couple nice ones, a small baguette, and some cheese. Sandy insisted on paying for the food, which I thought was nice.
Sandy: We walked the few blocks to my home. The weather was mild and sunny.
Sandy: We ended up walking to Sandy's home. I was surprised that we didn't drive. Maybe Sandy doesn't own a car. She seems a little out there- one of those environmental vegetarian feminist types. She had brought her own bag to Wegmans. I hope she isn't a lesbian. We mostly talked about the weather. Turns out her house is pretty close to the grocery store. Her house was kind of cool on the inside. I like the way she had it decorated.
Sandy: When we got to my house, I put the artichokes in the steamer and poured a glass of wine. That done, it was time to get to know my date better.
Sandy: I was a little put off that she hadn't bought a bottle of wine for us; instead she popped a left over bottle out of the fridge. There was really only enough for a small glass. Now that I think about it, it was probably better that way. It is better if I don't drink too much on a first date. I have gotten into trouble that way.
Sandy: We talked a bit about the books we are reading. Turns out that Sandy is an avid reader too.
Sandy: In the middle of our conversation, Sandy grabbed a book. She started reading out loud. The book was interesting and it was fun to discuss the passages she read. After a while though, she started to read to herself. I thought that was a little rude, but to be honest, I had spied an interesting book on her shelf, so I grabbed it and started reading too.
Sandy: The artichokes were ready at about 6:30. We sliced up the baguettes and cheese. I got worried because it wasn't really much of a meal, more of a light snack. But Sandy acted very gracious and said the food was delicious.
Sandy: The appetizer was delicious. I couldn't wait for the main course. I was so hungry, especially after walking from Wegmans and waiting so long for the artichokes to cook. It took me a while to realize that there wasn't going to be a main course. So, I hung out for a little while longer, to be polite, but then decided to take off. It was still early and I figured that I could stop somewhere and buy some food for myself.
Sandy: Sandy had to leave earlier than I had expected, but it was a really nice first date. I'd give the date a 4. I would definitely like to see her again. She was easy to talk to and I felt comfortable with her. I had a nice time.
Sandy: Blind dates are always a bit awkward. This one was a bit strange, but it wasn't too bad. I would give the date a 3. I would see her again, but I will wait for her to call or e-mail me.
Interviews by Loni Carbunkle
UPDATE: Sandy and Sandy exchanged e-mails addresses and phone numbers. They have sent each other a few funny youtube videos, but they haven't scheduled a second date yet.
All writing copyright Callithump Thunderblog, 2008-2009. Enjoy, share and snuggle up with this blog, but please remember, a real, live, very nice person wrote it all by herself. Give credit where credit is due or I won't invite you to my birthday party. I mean it. Don't be a jerkface.