An Open Letter to Muesli
Dear Muesli,
Today I tried you for the very first time and after one bite I asked myself this question- where have you been my entire life? I find it hard to believe that you were invented in the late 1800's by a Swiss nutritionist and we have only now met. Seriously, some of my best friends are Swiss nutritionists and none of them ever mentioned you. But honestly, had I met you before, the timing would have been all wrong. I used to be so close minded about porridge that I would have written you off as a tasteless twig gruel. But you are so far from that. You have won my heart you delightful cereal made from a blend of whole grains, dried fruits, nuts and seeds. How did I survive without you?
It is hard to believe that it is possible to have such strong feelings about whole grain rolled oats, wheat, rye, triticale and barley along with sweet and chewy dates and raisins, sunflower seeds, almonds and walnuts. And I have only tried you hot. Imagine if I also try you cold or as you so boldly suggest, what if I try you right out of the bag? Being able to give into my desire so quickly and easily might make it difficult for me to concentrate on other things. I would want you around all the time. You suggest three servings of whole grains a day, but how could I stop at that? What's more is that I just learned that I could make cookies or bars out of you. Be still my heart. I love cookies and bars. This is a match made in heaven.
I don't even know what triticale is, but it hardly matters. It might be rat poison or something, but, if so, it is delicious rat poison and I love it. See how tightly I am clutching onto the bag?
Don't even think about taking my delicious rat poison away. Get away from me, jerk. I will bite you. Hard.
Uh, sorry about that. Now where was I? Oh yes. I was about to tell you something. This isn't easy for me to say. I know that I must sound crazy and I know we just met, but Muesli, I have never been more lucid or serious in my entire life.
Muesli, what I want to tell you is that I love you.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash
P.S. It isn't rat poison is it?
Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.
Labels:
Letters
|
Posts
Dear Ms. Stinglash,
I thought it would behoove you to know that I, too, once loved Muesli. I thought it was a match made in heaven until I began to suspect that there were some insurmountable issues between us. It's hard to love someone when you have a knot in your stomach. (Much different than having butterflies in your stomach.)
So, I wish you all the best in your new relationship. Just because it didn't work out between Muesli and me doesn't mean that the rat poison will effect you in any adverse way.
Sincerely,
CatLady
I have never heard about this before. I must try it!
Dear Cat Lady,
Sorry it didn't work out. Your loss. My gain.
Sincerely,
Sondra Stinglash
Optimistic Pessimist- I just realized that I wasn't following YOU! Fixed that just now.
Oh man, that stuff looks fantastic! Where in the world do you get it? I'm thinking it must be in other aisles of the grocery store besides the frozen pizzas and what not, right?
Imnotbenny- It is in the super fucking crunchy aisle. To the left a bit and up one shelf. Yep. That's it. Enjoy!