Difficult Times

Enjoy a classic from way back in the early days of Callithump Thunderblog.

This piece was written some time ago, back in the days when our country was encountering difficult economic times.

Funny...It still holds up.

Dear Spleen,

We would like to thank you for your loyal service for the past several decades. You have been a reliable and hard working part of our organization. Unfortunately, the recent financial crisis has forced us to re-evaluate our way of doing things; to do some soul searching, if you will. We have decided that, in order to remain truly competitive, our organization will need restructuring. As you are aware, we recently circulated a questionnaire. We have had a chance to analyze the data and found the results to be quite illuminating. It seems that the majority of those surveyed were not at all aware that you were a part of our organization. Those who knew of your existence did not have any knowledge of your function. (For your information, the heart, brain and reproductive organs received the highest marks.)

We understand that your function is important to the organization as a whole, but in these times of belt tightening, we have to take a good hard look at our practices and we have determined that dedicating an entire organ to the specialized job of cleaning up of red blood cells is not cost effective. In order to trim overhead costs, we have made the decision to eliminate your position and reassign your duties to another department, a larger and more high profile organ.

We understand that this news may be difficult, but you will be pleased to learn that we will provide two weeks of overtime pay during our transition period during which you will continue your daily functions while providing training to the liver, the organ to which your duties have been reassigned. Please bring a copy of your job description and report to the liver first thing Monday morning.

We recommend also that you take part in a creative job skills seminar, free of charge, hosted by the right brain. In these difficult times it is important to diversify your skills in order to increase your flexibility in a competitive job market. Please sign up quickly as space is limited, and the tonsils, vermiform appendix and the vestigial muscle palmaris longus have already reserved their spots.

Thank you for your years of loyal service, and good luck to you!


The Management

Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.

There's no such thing as a free hug

I hugged this guy. Well maybe not this guy, but it was a guy with a sign just like his. And a woman too. I hugged her. I was walking down the sidewalk in Times Square and when I saw the free hugs signs I jumped up and down with excitement and then ran and gave them both enthusiastic hugs. My family was all like, "Sondra Stinglash! What are you doing? Hugging a stranger?" But I was all like, "It's the FREE HUGS movement!! Don't you people watch youtube?" Then there was some eye rolling and someone said, "Whatever," and then I went ahead and enjoyed my free hug. And it was a great moment in the life of Sondra Stinglash. One of the best.

Or so I thought.

Come to find out that you get what you pay for.

Some great hug huh? Turns out my hug was just a second rate, hate filled, smelly hippy crap-hug. And I liked it! Now I feel violated and a little bit scarred for life. Free hug, my ass. My therapy bills are going to be through the roof. And I blame my family. After all, they should have protected me.

Go ahead and click on the teeny envelope icon and send this post to a friend. Don't be jerky and claim that you wrote it because I wrote it, damn it.

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