- Apropos of Nothing
- Fanciful Nanciful's Dance-Along Blogfest
- Callithump Thunderblog
- Stepping In Puddles
- The Unscrabbled Mind
- The Adventures of Snark Cat and Smug Dog
- Walking on the Ceiling
- A Blog Named Sue
- Timid Pajamas
- Exploding Hairdo
- The Plight of the Raisins
- You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You
- Illegal Petrissage
- Take Note
- Your Reason to Get Up in the Morning
- Read, Rinse, Repeat
- Ask not what this blog can do for you, but what you can do for this blog
- Miss Sandra Stinglash's Guide to Manners
- Unmotivated Steps
- Icosahedron Blog-o-sphere
- The Sunshine Day School's Annual Fundraising Cookbook & Nutrition Guide
- Rambling Ramsey's Roadside Reader
- The Return of the Bay Leaves
- Gambol Hop Gallumpha
- The Blog Fairy Underground
If you were my boyfriend, we would like each other an awful lot, so much, that we’d call each other up all the time. You would think I was very, very pretty and I would think you were so very handsome. We’d have all sorts of inside jokes. If you were my boyfriend, I would occasionally wear your sweaters, but you wouldn’t ever wear mine, because that would be weird. If you were my boyfriend, I would cook you nice dinners, with asparagus and everything, and after dinner you would tell me how delicious it was. And you would mow my lawn and fix stuff for me because you liked me so much and it made you happy to help me. If you were my boyfriend, I would call you up when there was a bat in my living room, and I would shriek, and you would come over with a tennis racket and catch it and I would say, “That bat looked a lot bigger when it was flying around.” And we would laugh.
If you were my boyfriend, we would go on picnics together, with cheese and baguettes and a blanket and grapes too. We would lie on the blanket, looking up at the sky and talk about our dreams and our fears.
It would be a great thing, if you were my boyfriend. We would be so happy and we would pity everyone else for not being us. We would marvel at how well we got along and we would trash our ex’s together, and say things like, “My ex and I never got along this well.” And, “You are so much funnier than my ex.” We would spend all kinds of time cuddling and saying sweet things to one another.
One day, if you were my boyfriend, you would be eating corn on the cob and I would notice that you had a strange way of spreading your butter on your corn and I would wonder if I liked you anymore. Then another day, if you were my boyfriend, you would say something really, very stupid. We would talk about it a lot and finally sort it out, but then I would start to realize that there were all these things about you that were really starting to get on my nerves. If you were my boy friend, I would try very hard to get you to change, but you would refuse to change, and we would break up. Then I would start spending time with my friends again and they would be so happy because as it turns out, they never really liked you anyhow.
There is a note called 25 Random Things that is circling Facebook. Once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things about yourself. You then tag 25 people and send them your note. Each person who is tagged creates their own list and tags more people. And so it goes.
This is a wonderful thing. It gives you an opportunity to get to know your friends at a deeper level. It inspires meaningful conversation. However, It can be stressful when you get tagged because like most of us, you are well intentioned and do not want to let your friends down, but you have such little time. 25 random things is a lot. No worries. Here are 25 suggestions to make this task a little easier for you.
1. Confess something from childhood, for instance, that time when you were in Middle School and did a science report on unicorns. Remember how you thought your biology teacher was pulling your leg when she told you that there was no such thing?
2. Talk about something that has never made any sense to you like why people can go to war at 18, but cannot drink, or how the words flammable and inflammable can mean the same thing. Bring up something that you just don't get, like the child abuse or fractions.
3. Talk about music. Just remember, most people love Ray Charles, so don't make that joke that you always make. It isn't really very funny.
4. People will feel closer to you if you make a confession. Tell them about the time you plagiarized your wedding vows, for instance.
5. If you choose to write about those recurring nightmares that you have, you might not want to mention the mysterious beetles that you often find in your underwear when you wake up.
6. Mention the book that you are reading, unless you are still reading The Impotence Sourcebook.
7. People are always interested in what you do for a living. Just try not to use the phrase "Ponzi Scheme" in your explanation.
8. Don't limit yourself to qualitative information, include quantitative information as well. Nothing will let your Facebook friends know how much you trust them quite like including your social security number as a random fact about yourself. Better yet, use the social security number of an ex-spouse.
9. Mention a classic piece of literature as your favorite book of all time. Presenting yourself as a reader will make you come off as smart. Make sure you spell the title correctly.
10. Write about some strange, idiosyncratic habit that you have, but not the goat thing.
11. Name your favorite TV show if you wish, but it is always better to say something like, "I don't watch TV, as I am way too busy performing deeds of selfless altruism to waste time in front of a screen."
12. Talk about your blog. You don't have a blog? Talk about mine, then.
13. Tell YOUR Continental Airline horror story. (Written before the terrible crash near Buffalo. This joke was much funnier before that happened.)
14. Say something that will make everyone in your life wonder if you are talking about them, something like, "I hate when I think I hate someone and it turns out that they are really just misunderstood or going through a really hard time. I also hate when I think I like someone and they turn out to be a big fat jerk."
15. Throw in a distracter- something like, "Hey! Look up! Isn't that Abe Vigoda?" Then, when your reader looks away, skip a number.
17. Apologize. You know why.
18. Explain why you love your feet so much.
19. ˙ןooɔ ʎןןɐǝɹ ǝɹɐ noʎ ʞuıɥʇ ןןıʍ ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ ˙uʍop ǝpısdn ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ǝʇıɹʍ
20. Claim to either love or hate making lists. An item, in a list, that refers to lists, is a sure-fire winner.
21. Talk about your latest alien abduction experience.
22. Do that complain-brag thing, where you "complain" about something that would make most people envious, like being tired of getting massages every single day or having no idea what to do with all that money you have just stolen.
23. Talk about the book you are working on- Feng Shui For Gerbil and Hamster Cages.
24. Once you get to 24, you can get away with saying something like, "I am almost done with this list."
25. Talk about what you are going to do after you are done with this list. Something like, "Now that I am finished with this list, I can get back to compiling data for my numerical analysis of bowel movement frequency."
Have fun reading! Feel free to pass these scrawlings on, but make sure to give credit. This is copyrighted material.
Thunder: Also loud.
It's redundant. So sue me.
- ▼ February (11)
- Aha Duh
- Babel Fish
- bicycle helmets
- Buddhas' Hands
- Cat's in the Cradle drug reference
- cheat codes for Grand Theft Auto 4
- Classic Stinglash
- free movies
- I got an award
- index cards
- Isadora Duncan
- Jessica Simpson
- Julia Child
- Living Biblically
- loin cloth
- Love that Facebook
- make your own Easter cards
- massage school
- Michael Ian Black
- Michael Jackson
- Milano Cookies
- Money Saving Tips
- Narcoleptic Dogs
- National Humor Month
- natural attic insulation
- Nintendo Wii
- Oprah Winfrey
- Really cute kitten pictures
- Sperm Cell
- stamp licking
- Stinglash Family
- Sweating With the Oldies
- The Onion
- what rhymes with orange
- whiney is the new funny
- Writer's Block